Alex Templeton ☼ Xander Harris

TWILIGHT FANS ARE CRAZY. JACK NICHOLSON IN THE SHINING CRAZY.

Can we go back to being invisible again? I take it back. I liked being invisible Xander of the human Buffy part thing. What are words? Curse you list! Curse you and your ability to bring crazy Twilight fans to my house! Curse you Bobby for not being home! Curse you people for insulting them so that they had to come prove that Twilight is better than Buffy!

Good news is I didn't lose an eye this time. Bad news is they broke my ankle. I can't Snoopy dance for a few weeks :(

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I can't breathe.

Too much excitement.

HAVE YOU ALL SEEN THESE TRAILERS?!?!?!?!

You know, it would be freaking sweet if we could all live in a musical. I was watching Rent today, and the disease and stuff is not cool but man, it would just be awesome to burst out into song without people looking at you weird. I wish we could do that! You know, minus the whole dancing and burning up thing like happened to Xander because that just isn't cool. But fun and happy singing? SO TOTALLY AWESOME.

Is it too late to go into construction? I think the end of the semester is going to make my head explode like an exploding...thing. Yeah. A thing that explodes.

I CAN'T THINK.

Wake me up when it's Christmas break so I can be finished with the crying part of my schooling, please. Xander and I appreciate it.

It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's my birthday It's

We interrupt this brand of crazy to bring you a small amount of normalcy. Alex, here in the Hellmouth, we don't bring attention to special milestones like birthdays. They usually turn into milestones of haunted houses and worm creatures.

DON'T RUIN MY DAY XANDER IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

Presents please.

UH. S.O.S?!!?!?!?!?! GUYS I'M A GHOST. NO, LITERALLY. I CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS. I DON'T REMEMBER DYING. SOMEBODY SHOULD PROBABLY FILL ME IN ON THIS. I FEEL LIKE GHOST WRITER RIGHT NOW.

A note to my Fanged Friends:

CREEPY LETTERS ARE CREEPY. PLEASE STOP SENDING THEM.

Thank you.

Uhhh. So. Getting the heebie-jeebies over here with all of this death. Maybe we could chill it out? I'll give you all a nice shiny cherry lollipop? Please?

( Scoobies/Torchwood )

Holy hell in a street car, Batman! Do mine eyes deceive me? Maybe take it down a bit, Alex. We don't want to oversell it if we want to meet THE BEST PEOPLE OF ALL TIME? SUPERHEROES?

I feel like this requires a role call. I want to meet everybody. Everybody. SJDGHSGJHSGSJFKGL I'll give you delicious baked goods as incentive? Yes? Come on, the cookies call to you! With their wee little cookie voices.

[Ashley]

ANYA IS ON THE BOARDS, ASHLEY. STILL. AND SHE'S A HE. AND HE'S GROSS. SUPER GROSS. WHAT DO I DO? I TRIED SAYING HI. THIS IS WEIRD.

Alright, alright, I think the Xan-man and I completely missed something here. Toxins, chaos, and unease oh my? What is the haps with everything?

Crap. Is there another apocalypse on the way? This just figures. Guys, it's the end of the semester, do you think if we bribed the hellmouth with cookies it'll be a nice hellmouth and wait until I can finish out the schoolwork... I need to secure my 'C's!

G-Man! Is this an apocalypse? Give us some of the Giles-y British wisdom of awesome. And please tell me this go around doesn't involve a guy named 'Caleb.' BOTH EYES, PEOPLE. STILL GOT BOTH EYES.

I need to wear the eye patch more often. Seriously! It is a heaping pile of awesome opportunities just waiting for me to grab from it. Guys. Guys. A little kid asked me if I was a pirate today with it on. BEST. DAY. EVER.

A woman also looked at me with that sketchy kind've sympathy, and then there might've been some head patting. I'm not really sure. I was distract by the big mole on her chin. But I distinctly remember tissues. Or tissue-like substances.

Ash! Shawn-with-Giles! Patrolling? Yes? Yes? Come on, mi amigos. We are the last defense of the world against the blood-suckers of the night and all who grr and argh through Sunnydale. Plus I'm pretty sure I left my wallet at the Bronze.

NOT RELATED BUT OTHERWISE COOL: Xander and I are totally getting Captain America's autograph. FOR shizzle.

For the love of cheese whiz and all that is holy on this earth, WHY do I have to wait so LONG for Captain America and Thor?! For freaking serious, everybody, that just means a longer wait time for the Avengers! Do they not realize they're causing me a nerdy aneurysm? This is torture! I'd totally trade a weekend of fighting barfy demons or conversing with Cordelia for a chance to see that early. What? A girl can have dreams. Even the kinds with boys in their brains!

I think this is the part where we get on to the awkward introductions and tell the good folks about the men with no tans and pointy teeth! Can do, Xan-man. I'll even make sure they know these ones don't sparkle.

So for all you Whedonites out there, can I get a little love? My name's Alex Templeton, and I've got....DRUMROLL PLEASE! Xander Harris. That's right! The one and only heart of the Scooby Gang, fighters of all things that go dust in the sun and slime where they're not supposed to. Which, by the way, that's a lot more things than you'd expect... So children, don't invite strangers into your house. They're not loving and cuddly like some neutered stalkers who sparkle like disco balls. Oh, and stakes are sold separately. They're a lot harder to make than you'd think.

( Yes! You are a monster. Vampires are monsters! They make monster movies about them! )